It’s So Annoying When Someone Likes You
My impersonation of DivaLion:
“Oh, boo hoo! I know guys who want to fuck me, and it sucks! Boo hoo hoo! Wah wah!”
To bring you up to speed: Ms. DivaLion wrote an essay back in July about the deceptiveness of “nice guys.” She was addressing, in particular, a subset of “nice guys” who really aren’t all that nice and sweet, but are instead a bunch of manipulative cocksuckers. She goes on at length (seems there’s nothing stopping her flow of words on any topic) about how these guys are burdensome and loathsome.
You REALLY don’t need to read the whole thing. There’s nothing else in there other than what I just summarized. (and it’s a couple thousand words that could have been reduced to 300. Eeek.) The essay seems to have gotten momentum behind it in recent weeks, and I stumbled across it on some other blog.
I have some minor retorts to her annoyances:
1. If a guy wants to date you but you’re not agreeable to it, then there’s no question he’s a dick if he continues to carry on about it. But, it’s best not to act like a “victim” about it. Apparently you’re fixated on the annoyances and ignorant of the flattery. It’s a two-way street with this stuff.
2. Similarly, if a guy is friends with you because he’s interested (only) in you romantically, whether he shows his hand or not, then there’s no question that he’s a dick. Again, stop whining and fixating on the negative. In this case it’s especially important, because that guy - dick or not - is a human being. And there are a lot of valid, difficult reasons why a guy might take this approach in finding romance. It’s rather stupid and thoughtless to take this approach, but the purpose isn’t always to violate your space.
3. As I’ve said a billion times, it’s lamentable that there is no proper social convention for, “let’s fuck.” Women like to play games with sex, and they can get away with it; men have no power to hold/withhold sex. This is why irreputable men resort to distasteful measures to grab nookie, while respectable men starve their libido waiting for either a long-term romance or a drunk horny slut to enter into their lives. From now on, assign a handicap when dispatching men seeking intimacy. Some of them are doing their best to play by your rules, and you’re giving them a bad deal.
4. Would it kill you to have guys around who’d like to fuck you? A point repeated, but worth repeating.
5. Doctor, heal thyself! Consider your own communication issues with men before writing a Dostoyevsky’s novel worth of ranting against their communication issues. Have you done NOTHING to stoke their libidos or send any sexual/romantic messages? I’m not saying it’s all your fault, but you may very well need to consider that possibility. Hey, we’re all human here.
All that said, such “nice guys” exist and they are indeed dickheads (sorry to throw the male gender under the bus here, but it’s true). I can only advise all people to avoid others who carry such social poison, to be careful when considering your friends, and to deal with setbacks as effectively and discreetly as possible.
Unfortunately, the “nice guy” angle is the best thing that a lot of guys have to work with out there. These people often have many redeeming features beyond their sorry romantic manuvering, so you should cut them a bit more slack. I’m not defending the things they do wrong; I’m only trying to point out the potential benefits. Women are all too often harsh with guys who lack social grace. (and all too often willing to get deep-dicked and ass-fucked by guys who have it in spades. Although I probably wouldn’t get laid at all if that weren’t true, so I’m not complaining…)