Spittoon - random nasty bits filed from my mouth
Chevy Trucks - yes, I found this commercial offensive (Slate via Kottke), but not the most significantly for its symbolic content (”national tragedy binds us together as Americans. So buy Chevy trucks.”). No, I just knew where it was going from the first 5 seconds, and watched in disgust as most of the images presented to represent America were relative to the lower 40% of our population in terms of cosmopolitan living. Pardon me for being openly conceited, but America consists of cities too, and mostly consists of cities and populous suburbs. One picture of Lower Manhattan from New Jersey (they’ve now ruined that picture taking spot for me) does not adequately represent our mostly urban psyche. And trucks are useless to urban and suburban dwellers anyway, unless you’re talking about one of those jerkoffs that drives a vehicle much larger than anything they’ll need on a regular basis.
And just when I thought I hit the rock Cougar bottom of this atrocious montage, they show a kid wearing a white longsleeve shirt and a black cowboy hat, which represents both the desecration of good taste and the wave of bad parenting sweeping across our great nation. I’ve always felt that parents who raise their kids to wear cowboy hats (or watch NASCAR, listen to modern country music, etc.) are unconscionably abusive, since kids don’t know better. I would rather be naked than wear a cowboy hat that’s not meant to be worn by an actual cow herder.
Speaking of naked. now’s a good time to segue into that Marc Jacobs porn shoot at which I was present a couple weeks ago. A gay male fondling a busty blonde in a designer clothing boutique in a historic district cum retail theme park, now that’s American!
Yankees - Sick to my stomach. And you don’t know yet whether I’m a fan or a hater. Well, either way, unless you’re a Tigers fan there’s no pleasure in this situation for anyone. Objectively speaking, Joe Torre has done a fine job over the last decade, and it would be awful to get rid of him because Sir Choke-a-Lot A-Rod has a postseason batting average that would comparatively put Mendoza in the Hall of Fame. That said, it’s a job to be done, and although I can think of no-one better than Torre at the moment (no, not Lou Pinella, please), I would not be opposed to considering a manager who might have a better handle on the current situation. No offense to Joe. It’s like Tom Hagen being gently brushed aside because he’s not a “wartime consigliere.”
Let Sheffield go, re-sign Moose and Bernie (Moose for big money, Bernie for respectable dough), start playing Melky more often, take a hard look at Zito, and try to cultivate some more prospects (dumping your AAA team might not have been a great move at this juncture, unless you’ve got something better up your sleeve, Cashman). Oh, yes, who could forget - GET RID OF ALEX RODRIGUEZ. Hey, maybe Boston still wants him! Paging Mr. Epstein! Muhahahah!
Boggle - damn is that game hard.
iPod - how did I live without one of these for so long? This Shuffle gets a ton of use. Unfortunately, it’s mostly used for cheesy British techno. My dance-mix connection isn’t coming over for casual sex anymore, so I’m both ornery and lacking good music.
Speaking of which:
Music - sucks. See here. (haha, I guess it’s not good that your band is nicknamed “the Clap”) Also see here. No, I don’t mind that current bands who are not exceptionally creative are finding great commercial success - our generation needs a Bon Jovi, certainly, and the Killers know how to put on a show - but this generation definitely doesn’t have a Beatles, Stones, or Beach Boys. Maybe the music video directors are on that level (Gondry, Jonze, et. al.), but not the performers. I suppose I’ll settle for being entertained by middling acts, rather than musically inspired by great acts. What I won’t settle for is more blogger hyped bands, because as I mentioned on the Gothamist post, the music bloggers’ tastes are very homogenous and they generally like stuff that I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.
Clue, the board game - didn’t age well with the rest of my gameplaying tastes.
Clue, the movie - did you know there was a secret fourth ending? Can you ever turn this movie off even though you know it sucks balls? And why does Mr. Boddy look like a greasy mob enforcer, not someone who would live in a stately mansion?
Christian Bale - when someone fails to impress me initially, it’s hard for me to reconsider. And although I knew he was a good actor, I just didn’t really want to watch him onscreen. Well, that has changed. He just fucking rocks the hizzity-hiz-ouse with his performances. Batman Begins was initially an acquired taste, but I could make an argument that it’s one of the best comic book movies ever made, better than any Batman movie to precede it by a longshot (eat it Burton, suck it Schumacher), and good enough to resescuitate a dead franchise. And that was mostly because Christopher Nolan is a hell of a director, but it wouldn’t have been possible without Bale’s range. So now I look forward to all future Batman movies by Nolan, as well as anything with Christian Bale starring in it. (Why else would I want to see The Prestige?)
Stamps - just found a couple of 33-cent stamps in the back of the office supply drawer at home. Remember when we used to be able to mail letters for less than two dollars? Those were the days…
Home Depot - to all of your Manhattan 23rd St. retail employees, I’m so very sorry. I don’t mean to be the weird guy who walks in with a crazy, senseless, DIY project and wants to know everything about plumbing connections, pressure sealants, drill bits, spray nozzles, etc. But I am. And, in my defense, I’m usually carrying the prototype for the project around on my person. Trust me, it works.
Panel Discussions - it never fails to make me laugh when someone gets up to ask a question that’s basically a rambling statement of some idea that popped into their heads (usually presented with a maximum of pretensive language) , followed by a half-hearted prompt to get the celebrites/scholars on stage to talk about it. “Here’s something that I thought of. Why don’t you tell me what you think about it?” It happens constantly in New York, a city full of deranged-ego people.
Luxury Condos - fuck you bitches! When your trend includes the word “luxury” and you get taken down a dozen notches by Vanity Fair, you know you might want to try to align yourself with something different. Commence the PriceChopper!